I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
