put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
