I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
