so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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