dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
