i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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