just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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