We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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