I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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