imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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