if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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