she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
