got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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