We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
