I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
