i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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