so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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