I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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