I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Randomize
