Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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