Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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