Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
