Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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