I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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