the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
