I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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