Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
