I never want to see another naked old woman again.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
