At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
