My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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