"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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