somebody snuck up and got me drunk
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
