i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
