thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
