Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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