I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if only i could text you this smell
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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