Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
