Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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