Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
