Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
where does the pee come out of this thing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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