Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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