Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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