his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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