Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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