I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
