I'm so fucking centered right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
