So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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