I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
