How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
4 words: hood of his car
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I still have a little drunk in my system
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
