I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
