let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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