When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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