how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
