it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
