You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize