Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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