either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
