i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize