she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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