as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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