isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the day after is always just damage control
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
