Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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