I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
