If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
