I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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