I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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