just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize