The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
