Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
