just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
