Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
