How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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