Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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