Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize