So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
