I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
