he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
