Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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