Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
