ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
