I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
