when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
