im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
