i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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