I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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