he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A bitchslap is in order.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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