So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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