Do you still have your period?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I party with great urgency now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
