I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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