wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
