They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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