I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize