Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
