This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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