OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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