all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
