im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize