oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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